Rape and feminism have recently come to the forefront as important issues for the society in India. The reasons for the high incidence of rape have been discussed constantly since the bus rape case late last year. One major concern has been the upbringing of children and how parents often give boys special treatment and do not teach them to respect women.
For some reason, sex is completely left out of the debate. Nobody is comfortable talking about it or even mentioning it. It is obviously an important part of people's lives, given that they are people and the fast growing population of the already over-populated country. Then why is so much shame attached to sex?
It is commonly presumed that a bride is a virgin and the idea of unmarried people engaging in sex is often nothing less than blasphemous. Of course there are the progressive few who have gotten over the stigma or the taboo, but here I write about the masses, the large majority that clings to its culture and values for dear life.
Marriage, in this society is so important that a person being able to live unmarried is absolutely imaginable. A major reason for the preference of a boy child is that there is no requirement of a dowry for his wedding, but the dowry is received instead. A price gets attached to a baby the moment it is born. This infant is a cashflow, positive or negative, depending on the sex. Boys have the pressure to study hard, find jobs or join the family business so they can be able breadwinners for their future families. The more successful the boy, the more dowry his wedding will bring to the family. A girl must be pretty, must cook well, because these are the qualities that will help her marry a successful boy.
Marriage being such an important thing, pre-marital sex becomes a problem, because, of course, a virgin is always preferred. If a girl cannot have sex, a boy cannot have sex. And voila! the perfect recipe for a sexually repressed society. Girls must preserve their honour and as good girls with good values, they will stay virgins till they get married, or at the very least, are in committed relationships. Boys often end up dating for years before they can finally be intimate with someone they really do love. On the other hand, the absence of the option to just 'have some fun' leads to all kinds of situations from lying and cheating to prostitution and rapes.
Now suppose a young couple decides to go against the tide, or they decide nothing and just go with the flow. The idea that two young people in love could be physically intimate is so shocking for the average person that it must remain a secret to be guarded under all circumstances. Do not put it past certain rural citizens to murder the couple in the name of family honour. Marriage is the necessary license, where this society with such superior moral values grants two people its approval to engage in carnal activity, never mind the possibility that the bride and groom may never have met before the day of their wedding. Of course normally, as their parents become more understanding, they are generously allowed to meet each other a few times, maybe even frequently over a couple of months, before they get married.
The incidence of rape has always been astonishingly high in this country, but until recently, the people did not want to acknowledge it. They did not want to see, hear or speak about it. Talking about things exposes people to different perspectives and different possible solutions to the same problems. Turning a blind eye accomplishes nothing. The hypocrisy with which this society treats something like sexual desire is a the result of this inability to acknowledge that it is something we all experience. It is time that we start acknowledging that we're not asexual beings. It is time we talk about sex. It is time to grow up.
