I'm a north Indian from a small town of Haryana where the baniyas (businessmen) lived with the jats (farmers). My father inherited his business from his father who inherited it from his and it goes back so many generations, it's hardly possible to trace. By business I mean property, cash in the bank account, the family home, land that farmers were hired to cultivate, the reputation that comes with so much wealth, and the desire to maintain this all-too-important reputation.
The system is extremely simple and it's practicality cannot be refuted. The purpose of income is to afford the entire family a decent enough lifestyle, no frills necessary, and the wealth is to be passed on to future generations as an insurance policy for the rainy day. Hold on a second, did you think that the future generations meant all children? It means the males of the future generations. After all they're the ones who're burdened with the task of taking care of the entire family. So what happens to the girls you ask. Simple enough. It is the responsibility of the father and the brother and any other man who might be bothered about her well-being to find her a suitable groom with an inheritance of his own that might be comparable to the family's.
Now let's come to the very important issue of the reputation of the family. The family must always be perceived as sanskari. This means that the boys should earn a lot of money. This is of utmost importance. Everything else is secondary. But the secondary issues are extremely important too. The women should be gentle, kind, beautiful to look at and always obey the elders and of course, the husband, as he's the one who takes care of her. It is primarily the woman's responsibility to protect the family reputation. For this she keeps the home clean, manages the home budget in the money that her husband provides her, never speaks to loudly, never disagrees with anybody, gives birth to children, especially boys, takes care of the children, her parents-in-law, any siblings of the husband who might live in the house and helps them with everything they need. Her family must always come first. If father-in-law does not like dinner, it's her fault, and she must be good-for-nothing for not even being able to provide a decent meal.
It can get very difficult to find the right bahu for your son. What if the new daughter-in-law turns out to be tez? What if she likes to go out and meet a lot of friends? What if she refuses to cover her head and likes to wear shorts and skirts. Children today! they just have no sanskar. So the only way to select the right sanskari bahu is to look for a girl who has been correctly brought up in another respectable baniya family. On the other hand, the girls' parents are vying for that high earning respectable groom too. The solution? The big Indian Wedding. Shower the groom's family with all kinds of gifts from diamonds for his mother to watches and cars for him. Throw such a big party that it will help both families become even more respectable. If the girl is dark or fat just spend a little more money. It's a one time expense and it will secure a wonderful future for the girl forever.
So the girl's parents spend a monstrous amount of money on the wedding. It's alright, that's really her right on the family's wealth. She gets a magnificent wedding and gets to become a part of a respectable family. Now the parents have done their job as far as she is concerned and they can concentrate on making the son learn the trade so he can also be eligible for a girl from a respectable family.
This is a very practical system. What belongs to the husband belongs to the wife really, so the wife is now part of a respectable family and they will eventually inherit enormous wealth. Meanwhile, she no longer has any right on her parents' wealth, so the institution of marriage is strengthened. Where is she really going to go? Division of labour is perfect to a tee. The man makes money and the woman manages the home. After all, all her needs are looked after. She has a home, food, beautiful children to love and a lot of respect in society.
What the hell was the government thinking giving equal rights to the daughters on the family property? What if the daughter and her husband come to lay claims on the home where the poor brother lives with his family? Where is he going to go? Why can't the girl just be happy in her own home. She has everything.
[Female feoticide is common in this society. Female infanticide isn't unheard of amongst the less aware and the less moneyed. The dowries keep increasing and the expense of a wedding is unbelievable.
Disclaimer: I write this as a comment on the system in general. My parents have been nothing but supportive. I am dark and fat and wear glasses. I wear shorts in the summer. I laugh and talk very loudly and I also work.]
The system is extremely simple and it's practicality cannot be refuted. The purpose of income is to afford the entire family a decent enough lifestyle, no frills necessary, and the wealth is to be passed on to future generations as an insurance policy for the rainy day. Hold on a second, did you think that the future generations meant all children? It means the males of the future generations. After all they're the ones who're burdened with the task of taking care of the entire family. So what happens to the girls you ask. Simple enough. It is the responsibility of the father and the brother and any other man who might be bothered about her well-being to find her a suitable groom with an inheritance of his own that might be comparable to the family's.
Now let's come to the very important issue of the reputation of the family. The family must always be perceived as sanskari. This means that the boys should earn a lot of money. This is of utmost importance. Everything else is secondary. But the secondary issues are extremely important too. The women should be gentle, kind, beautiful to look at and always obey the elders and of course, the husband, as he's the one who takes care of her. It is primarily the woman's responsibility to protect the family reputation. For this she keeps the home clean, manages the home budget in the money that her husband provides her, never speaks to loudly, never disagrees with anybody, gives birth to children, especially boys, takes care of the children, her parents-in-law, any siblings of the husband who might live in the house and helps them with everything they need. Her family must always come first. If father-in-law does not like dinner, it's her fault, and she must be good-for-nothing for not even being able to provide a decent meal.
It can get very difficult to find the right bahu for your son. What if the new daughter-in-law turns out to be tez? What if she likes to go out and meet a lot of friends? What if she refuses to cover her head and likes to wear shorts and skirts. Children today! they just have no sanskar. So the only way to select the right sanskari bahu is to look for a girl who has been correctly brought up in another respectable baniya family. On the other hand, the girls' parents are vying for that high earning respectable groom too. The solution? The big Indian Wedding. Shower the groom's family with all kinds of gifts from diamonds for his mother to watches and cars for him. Throw such a big party that it will help both families become even more respectable. If the girl is dark or fat just spend a little more money. It's a one time expense and it will secure a wonderful future for the girl forever.
So the girl's parents spend a monstrous amount of money on the wedding. It's alright, that's really her right on the family's wealth. She gets a magnificent wedding and gets to become a part of a respectable family. Now the parents have done their job as far as she is concerned and they can concentrate on making the son learn the trade so he can also be eligible for a girl from a respectable family.
This is a very practical system. What belongs to the husband belongs to the wife really, so the wife is now part of a respectable family and they will eventually inherit enormous wealth. Meanwhile, she no longer has any right on her parents' wealth, so the institution of marriage is strengthened. Where is she really going to go? Division of labour is perfect to a tee. The man makes money and the woman manages the home. After all, all her needs are looked after. She has a home, food, beautiful children to love and a lot of respect in society.
What the hell was the government thinking giving equal rights to the daughters on the family property? What if the daughter and her husband come to lay claims on the home where the poor brother lives with his family? Where is he going to go? Why can't the girl just be happy in her own home. She has everything.
[Female feoticide is common in this society. Female infanticide isn't unheard of amongst the less aware and the less moneyed. The dowries keep increasing and the expense of a wedding is unbelievable.
Disclaimer: I write this as a comment on the system in general. My parents have been nothing but supportive. I am dark and fat and wear glasses. I wear shorts in the summer. I laugh and talk very loudly and I also work.]
